Cuteness Overload

7 weeks old now...eek, 8 tomorrow.  Don't you wanna squeeze him?  I just want to bite his cheeks!  His waist is overflowing on the tops of his pants.  Sadly, I relate these days.  Not that I've really cared enough to change it just yet.  I'm just enjoying this beauty.

 Costner has had eye issues the past few weeks.  You can see it here.  It's constantly oozing and caking up.  One day it seems better and the next, not so much.  He doesn't act like it bothers him.  If it doesn't clear up, his 2 month check up is next week, so no worries. 

A Day of Rest

Sometimes I really enjoy doing nothing.  Okay, I enjoy that a lot.  It has gotten to the point that if I put makeup on, my kids ask where we are going, and that includes the 3 year old.  He's actually more observant of that than Sage is.  So yesterday, I did not have to sing at church so we stayed home.  It's not that I'm opposed to going when I'm not singing.  It's more like the last time I was there with Costner when I wasn't singing, someone asked me half way through church to move to the back where there were no seats anyways.  I didn't move when they asked me and almost laughed at them because they had no clue who I was.  None.  Not that I'm playing anchorman and saying, "I'm kind of a big deal," but I just thought if you'd gone there 12 years like this lady claimed to, she may have looked at the stage once in a while and known that I kind of know how things work around there and would never allow my baby to disrupt.   He was sleeping at the time too making ZERO noise, which made her even more annoying, but the moment he made a sound, I walked out.  So, if I'm going to be watching church from a screen, it's going to be from my computer and not in the lobby.  Just saying.  ANYWAY, we stayed home and the kids played so well yesterday.  Sage and Jaggar made a show.  She made them rehearse in her room, and after about an hour or so, they were ready.  I am SO sad that the CD got stuck because of how awesome they were, but you can catch a good bit of it here.  This totally cracks me up.  I'm so glad they are so close and was so thankful for a day of no place to be.

Then Sage informed me that she learned how to do the wobble from her coaches in PE.  I don't know whether to be proud of this or disturbed.  ;) I will say that we are finally able to see some of the thousands of dollars we've poured into her the past 5 years for dance.

Noisy Sleeper

Costner Bleu-Jack, as he's still known around here, looks like a peaceful sleeper, and he is.  But he is noisy, yet more proof that Travis is indeed the father.  Look at that baby here.

 Don't let this fool you.  This was the first and last time that I got him to take this.  I see pictures of newborns leaving the hospital with pacifiers.  How on earth they do that, I do not know.  I wanted him to take it, specifically just at night, when he has a hard time settling himself and isn't quite sure what he wants.  He will not allow it in his mouth and has a look of disgust on his face like I am requesting that he eat lint out of the dryer.  No milk, no point.  Useless. 

8

Sage actually turned 8 the next day, Sunday, January 20th.  8 years old.  Sage is more grown up and shows more grace and maturity, especially in the last 6 months, than most adults.  And that is the truth.  She's learned way sooner than I would have liked, that life is sometimes just unfair, but that that's no excuse to give up and quit.  She is smart.  She is loving.  She is funny.  She is a great sister and friend.  She's had to learn through more of my personal mistakes as a mother and just a person than the other 2 will.  I had her at 22, and I personally have had a lot of growth in those 8 years.  But she has even been gracious to me.  I not only love this girl, but I genuinely like her, and I am so proud to call her my own. 

 Celebrating her at Classic, her choice.  (This was a big accomplishment to me as this was our first time eating there since she had diabetes.  When that all started, it felt like we could never eat there again.  I figured it out fairly easily just with my own personal experience with it thus far, chocolate fountain and all.  Travis was impressed.)

 I am a failure for getting pictures with everyone except Jaggar.

The Next Day: Sage's 8th Birthday Party

See Holland's face?  How dazed she looks?  That is the face of a child that didn't go to sleep until 3 am.  That's right.  Those girls were up until WELL after 2:30.  I went down at midnight and told them to be quiet.  I was still okay with that.  Travis had just gotten home.  He turned the movie off.  We're good.  But at 2:30 in the morning when I still heard talking like we were in the middle of the mall, I'd had enough.  And I told them that it was time to sleep.  Firmly.  I think Cailin may have been asleep at that time.  I was more thinking of all of the meltdowns that would ensue the next day...or should I say the SAME day.  I'm sure they didn't go to sleep immediately after I left the room, so I'm saying it was 3 am or even later.  And Sage and Isacah were marching into my bathroom at 7:30 in the morning.  Yes.  I was like, "Are you kidding me?"

But we made it.  I was on the final stretch.  The girls, to their credit, were still wonderful.  Sage was having such a great time.  I could see how excited she was the night before.  I'd told Travis' mom that we were doing her party the next afternoon and to come at 1.  I'd told the parents of the girls this same thing, so they could pick them up at 2.  If I ever do this again, I will tell the parents to be there by 6 am.  :)  No really, they were good.  It's just a lot when you have 4 extra kids that you aren't used to having on top of having a newborn.  And I know it was her party and no 8 year old wants their little brother in her room with friends, but I'd just had enough of leaving Jaggar out and blaming him for everything.  No one was doing that but Sage, of course, but I have a limit for that.  She blamed him for messing up her room, and he was never in there.  But it was all par for the course.  So when we asked Sage what kind of cake she wanted, she said an ice skate.  Hmmm...and Travis said, "I think I can make that."  And he did.  I think it turned out so cute.  Sage loved it, and it tasted great too.  He started working on it the night before the sleepover and then worked that entire Friday morning (day of sleepover) before he left for his TV shoot.

I'd dripped wax all over the left side of the cake by the time I had all of the candles lit.

I love Jaggar's face in this.  So cute.

Jaggar, the photo bomber

You can watch us sing to her here.

They ate their cake and ice cream and it was present time. 

She got the barbie from Mema, who didn't make this trip.

 

YESSS, more legos Friends.  This one was equally as fun to build.  It's not pictured, but Lydia also got her a set and it's a tree house.  We have such a good time building those.

And Sage's present from us takes a bit of explanation.  The American Girl company is made up of marketing geniuses.  While most companies have zero sales right after Christmas, AG releases a doll on New Year's Day that is only available for that year as well as a line of accessories and furniture for that doll.  She is "the girl of the year."  McKenna was last year's girl of the year.  And the girl of the year along with her line starts selling out and backordering around October.  I had heard a rumor towards the past few months, which was very true.  The girl of the year for 2013 was named "Saige."  My kids' names are NEVER on anything (although Jaggar had a hit song), and of all the things for it to be, it was an American Girl doll.  I had mentioned that Sage had been saving her money for McKenna, but she got both Mckenna and Caroline for Christmas.  The child had somehow saved up $75.  So when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she said some goofy infomercial toy, to which I said no.  Then she said, "Fine.  Saige."  I said, "You know, you've saved up a lot of money, so if you want her for your birthday, I will fit the rest of that bill."  She couldn't believe it.  She was like, "REALLY???!!"  Of course.  It was her birthday.  But...that just seemed so anticlimatic--knowing what your present is at 8 years old.  SO, I told her a week later that I went to order Saige, but she was backordered....so I ordered Kit (another one she likes) instead.  Instant tears.  I almost laughed.  I said, 'I'm sorry!  I just thought you would want to open something on your birthday.  I can order her, but it will be in February before she gets here."  That was fine with her.  Then she wanted to know if that hurt my feelings.  And she kept on about it.  I LIKE Kit, she'd say...but I just really wanted Saige. For weeks.   So she is set with sending her back and waiting until Daddy's birthday.  That's how long I told her it would be.  The day of the party, I said, "Sage, I wrapped Kit so you could have something to open at your party, but we'll send her back."  So at the party, at the last second, she goes, "I think I want to keep Kit."  Instant gratification was what she wanted, I knew.  So I said, "That's fine."  She said, "Can I tell my friends what I got??" before she opened it.  I said, "Sure!" because she thought she was being too cool telling them she knew what her present was.  Soooo I said all of that to say the meaning of the video here.

She was so thrilled with her.

Saige looked a bit different than we thought.  So I did it.  I survived birthday party 2013.  Barely.

Sage's 8th Birthday: Slumber Party Style

Every year on the day after Christmas and sometimes on the evening of Christmas, Sage switches modes from Christmas to her birthday.  This year was no exception.  I literally have to start planning something no more than 2 weeks after Christmas, and this year didn't feel like my finest.  I told Sage earlier in the year that we weren't having a big party because I'd have a new baby.  Not that she wouldn't have a party, but no swimming pools rented or anything like that.  Costner is a great baby, but he is a baby and I'm tired.  So simplicity with satisfaction was my goal.  Sage started off wanting an ice skating party.  I looked into that and suddenly my plans of simplicity were gone.  The ice skating rink is an hour away.  One of her best friends had a broken arm, so that was out for her.  Oh, and Sage had never been before and really can't roller skate.  Then I started thinking about how cold it is in there and having to do the party thing while nursing a newborn.  It just didn't seem like a great plan.  So I told Sage that we could maybe just take her skating one weekend on her own to see if she even liked it.  I'd hate for her birthday to be ruined by a bad trial run.  

Then I started thinking about how she hasn't been able to be away from us for long periods of time, other than school, because no one else knows how to take care of her.  THEN I started thinking about how she has been trying to have a sleepover at our house since the second week of school.  I had 2 moms call me when Costner was literally not even a week old saying that Sage had told their girls that she was having a sleepover that night at our house.  She told my mom in the car line that afternoon that she'd invited them and they were going to sleep in the back yard so I wouldn't even know.  In December.  :)  SO, I pitched this idea of a slumber party to Sage, and she loved it.  I said that we could get makeup and do makeovers, make cupcakes and she could just PLAY with the friends that she never gets to see long enough.  She was thrilled.  I invited some girls, and all of their moms kept saying the same thing, "You are mother of the year for having a sleepover with a newborn.  You sure are brave." It didnt' take long to see what they meant.  :)

The girls all arrived right around 5 on Friday, 2 days before her birthday, as well as my mom, who drove in from Kentucky for Sage's birthday and to help for when Travis would be going out of town for almost 2 weeks.  Cailin, Lydia, and Isacah all arrived, and they were all so excited.  Sage had been planning for the whole week.  She said, 'The only thing I have written down is hide and seek and then getting to know each other."  So cute.  At the last minute, Holland decided to stay as well.  Actually, Holland had decided to stay long before but Mom suggested she stay so Jaggar would have a friend.  This didn't work out quite like that but it was okay.

They were IMMEDIATELY in the makeup.

Holland came out looking like this.

After dinner was all cleaned up, I baked the cupcakes and called everyone in to decorate.  Notice Sage's face.  She was totally the ring leader and loving every minute as she tried to be so big in front of her friends.  She showed all of her friends how she pricks her finger and gets shots.  They were fascinated, and she was so proud to show them how it doesn't phase her.

They were all so proud of their work.  They each asked me to take a picture and send it to their moms.  Isacah and her cupcakes.

Lydia and her work

Holland

Jaggar probably thought this was all too good to be true.

 

Sweet Cailin

And the birthday girl

 Then Cailin and Lydia asked if they could hold Costner.  They are both only children, so that was a real treat to them.

 

 Then it was bath time.  That's right.  6 kids, 7 counting Costner, but it didn't matter to me.  My kids (except for Costner) take baths at night, so they were going to as well.  1 bath and 2 showers later, they were all clean.  Cailin asked me if she could put Jaggar to bed.  Thinking he'd never let her, I said sure, but guess what?  He DID let her.  And he actually went to sleep around 9:30, and I was shocked because there was a lot more noise than usual.  I finally sat down with the baby that had been wanting me all evening.  Phew.  I have to say that the girls were wonderful. It worked out just as I'd hoped with these girls.  They were all so polite and well mannered.  Not ONCE did anyone come and tell on someone else.  No arguing, if you can believe that.  Now I knew that these girls, who normally all go to bed at 8, wouldn't be asleep by then this time, but I surely thought by 11 or so.  At 10:30, they were coming through the kitchen asking for a snack.  I was ready to be asleep.  I was cleaning up the cupcakes.  They did have a snack, but at 11 something, I put my ipad in Sage's room and turned Tangled on.  I said, "Girls, here's the deal.  I'm very tired.  I'm going to bed.  I don't really care how late you stay up, but I don't want to hear you."  This is where I probably had unrealistic expectations.  THIS moment is why all the moms were praising my bravery.  Oh, Travis wasn't even home throughout any of this.  He was working in Birmingham, but he was coming home by 11:30-midnight.  So I called him when I got upstairs and told him what I'd told them and told him to turn off the movie when he got home....Again, I never expected a 9:30 lights out deal, though it would've been AWESOME, but I didn't expect what DID happen...

6 months

It has a little over 6 months since our lives so drastically changed with Sage's diagnosis of diabetes, and I can't say that it has gotten a bit easier to live with.  When it first happened, it seemed like people would say, "Oh, you'll get it.  Just give it time."  It is beyond difficult.  I cried in the new year on New Year's Eve for no other reason than mourning for her normalcy.  Don't get me wrong.  She does everything she wants.  I really try not to deny her anything on the basis of having diabetes.  I've also gotten to where I am not scared to death of adjusting medicine dosages myself.  Calling the hospital always makes me end up feeling hopeless at the most and confused at the least.  They're never really that helpful, so the last time I talked to them, I told Travis to remind me not to call unless it was some new thing I hadn't faced or needed a new lunch order faxed to the school.  Since October, Sage has been coming out of that honeymoon phase, which means it feels like we are always chasing it to get the amount of insulin right.  Do you know what someone with a 200+ to 300+ blood sugar acts like?  Not nice, that's for sure.  So I also am balancing discipline based on understanding.  Sometimes it feels very unfair to only get to see the real Sage based on if the amount of bottled, overpriced medicine was right.  The same bottled, overpriced medicine that we are bound to just to keep her alive.  But she handles it very well.  BOY does she handle it well.  Think about the times throughout the day that you mindlessly grab something to eat or snack on.  Sage can't do that.  And she doesn't do that because she knows she can't.  I think that's very noble for such a young girl.  My mom mindlessly handed her a chip to try the other day, and I said, "That's not free for her."  Sage said, "Will I be okay?"  I let her have communion with us a few weeks ago at church.  A tiny shot of grape juice really.  Her sugar was 317 after that.  Sometimes I let her have an amount of desserts or sweets at a meal that I wouldn't give to Jaggar in one meal, but it's because she has to eat those with shots, and I don't want her to have an extra shot if I can help it.  And those "extra" sweets she has at a meal don't touch what I've had all day.  I've gotten better at the shots.  She used to bleed and we hurt her a lot.  That's not the case as much anymore, but she still has needle marks and bruises all over just because...no matter what, if you stick a needle in, it leaves a mark.  That hurts me to see.  For Christmas, Santa left the packages to the candy in her stocking because he knew she had diabetes this year.  He talked about it in a video left by the elves, but I think I forgot to post a link.  She thought that was so awesome that Santa did that, but I found myself so frustrated as I counted out 18 sixlets on Christmas day.  Who counts tiny crunchy chocolates???  I know I probably seem like a spoiled brat.  Complaining about counting candy.  I just want our lives back.  I want HER life back.  I'd take it for her if I could.  In a heartbeat.  It would do me good to have to count out candy for myself.  I got my finger pricked last week at the doctor's office, and it really hurt.  I think about how she does that to herself at least 4 times a day.  Sometimes, when she squeezes her finger, blood comes out another hole from earlier.  As a mother, it is heartbreaking because there is nothing I can do to change it.  She turned 8 on Sunday, which I'll blog about later.  I looked up 8, and it said something about resurrection and new beginnings.  It also talked about covenant.  I can only hope and believe that's more than just coincidental.  I still believe God' promise to me.  And I wait.  And I hope.  I feel Him.  I hear Him.  I actually have discernment in dealing with this.  There have been times where I just knew what we gave her was going to make her go low. There are times where I know something needs to be increased without waiting 3 days to watch for patterns.  I can't explain it.  I just feel it.  And I've been right.  Travis will say, "How did you know that?"  And I said, "I don't know...I just felt it."  So until restoration, I'll continue to go on that and literally walk by faith.

My Buddy

Jaggar is not outdone in the least these days.  I am very proud of how he has adjusted to life as a big brother.  Sometimes he can't walk (according to him) and needs to be held.  That's okay.  He looks tall and lean, and he is, but he's also solid as a rock and it's harder and harder to lift him lately.  But when he reaches up and looks at me with those big blue eyes, I'm still going to go for it until I physically just can't.  He loves his movies, my ipad to stream Disney or PBS kids, "making decorations" by lining up all of his animals along the steps, TV stand, kitchen table, etc, sweets, and CHRISTMAS.  He is THE Christmas kid.  He walked through Target yesterday singing "Deck the Halls." He also asks regularly when Santa is coming back.   It's a good thing that I love Christmas because it's never NOT Christmas here.  He is still our funny one. He told me the other day that he did not like his class at church because "it was too difficult."  I sure do love that boy.

Blessed

Beyond thankful for these 3

Smiley

Little boy Bleu is 7 weeks old today, and he is such a happy little guy.  He is particularly smiley these days, especially in the mornings.  I have adjusted really well to life with 3 kids, I think.  I did just make my bed for the first time today since I gave birth, but that's okay.  The blog is suffering, too, obviously.  I literally fall asleep these days like Travis does without realizing it.  I will wake up hours after it happened with the TV still on at like 1 in the morning, and I NEVER did that before.  Haven't done it in church yet like Travis has (he swears he hasn't, but he has).  But I don't feel like I have an exceptional amount of children.  We still do all the same things.  It just takes a little longer to get there.  I would take another baby, but that's up for debate.  :)  Depending on who you talk to--me or Travis.  I really enjoy Costner, and we are all thankful that he is here.

This was yesterday morning, just a day shy of his 7 week birthday.

Happy, happy boy

Look at all of his chins.

 Don't you wanna squeeze him??

 We had a little acne going on last week, but that has cleared up.