Sage has produced some GEMS at school so far this year. If we are "friends" on facebook or you follow me on instagram, these aren't new, but I wanted to keep them here. This first one was probably the first week of school. I suppose they had to make an introduction to their family. I'm looking. We all look nice. I've got my highlights and lowlights going on here. My red dress on. Red shoes. Baby in hand. Bleu has his blonde hair and green outfit going just right. Jaggar's hair is fixed like he likes it. He's even waving to the crowd with a grin dressed in Auburn colors just in time for football season. Sage's dress is perfect. Matching shoes, socks, and bow. Pretty smile. Long lashes....and then Travis...who has no color, no clothes, no hair, and no hands and sticks for legs. I was laughing so hard. I said, "Sage, what happened to Daddy?" "Oh, we ran out of time."
If that wasn't funny enough, I think I choked on the drink I was sipping while I read this. She doesn't even know how funny this is and couldn't even really understand why we laughed so much at this. Of course, after all of that, my favorite line is, "ANYWAY, my dad sleeps on the couch because he snores." What fun it must be to be a teacher and see a kid' perspective into their own family. Kids will also throw you under the bus in a heartbeat apparently.
All the funnies aside, just the next week or so was grandparents' day. Travis' mom and stepdad ate with her and took her to the book fair. She racked up and chose several books and a journal. The first page talked about daydreaming and dreaming big. Then it left a space to write one of your dreams. Of course, I cried reading it and so will you. It's just not right, is it? This is everyday of my life, these things are running through my mind. Some days, I feel like it's a struggle to just catch a breath. I don't get it. I don't like it. I feel like something in me died a little over a year ago. I'm not the same person. I feel cynical towards a lot some days. I'm actually too selfish to care if it "helps someone" else by seeing her or me or us. I'm even more matter of fact than I was before, which can be hurtful....but in spite of all of that, I believe. Because what else do I have? And she does, too! While at the doctor just a few weeks ago, she said something about "When I don't have diabetes, do we have to come here?" She's always hopeful. But waiting is hard. So I'm hanging on to her dream along with her.
A few days later, I heard a song I hadn't heard or thought about in YEARS, but it's one I used to LOVE. I found it to be even more touching and true now than it was then. It's like my daily thought process. Hey God, aren't you strong enough? I know you are. I believe He hears us and is working even when it doesn't look like He is. And on days that I find it hard to even do that, I believe I have others doing it for us.
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