I mentioned that I don't take the time to write much about my own personal thoughts lately, and that's okay. That's what a journal is for, but I don't do that either. It is interesting in the times that I HAVE done that in the past on the blog to look back years later and see if I still feel that way...and more often than not, I wouldn't do the same thing or feel the same way...or at least express it. Believe it or not, I DON'T always share how I think or feel completely, which is terrifying to those that spend any amount of time around me because I do seem to say it as it comes across my mind. But I do bite my tongue , and I'm sure that's a direct grace of the Holy Spirit. My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness: if I FEEL it, I say it...and the weakness being the same. And I'm so passionate about it in that moment. Not everyone wants to know what I think and feel. But at least you don't have to wonder if I like you or not. And if I DO give you a compliment, you know I'm not just blowing smoke or flattering. Even at the dentist this week, he said, "Let me know if I hurt you...but some how I don't even think I need to say that to you because I KNOW you will." And I wouldn't say we spend a great deal of time together...ha.
It always seems that on New Year's Eve, our pastor always says something to the effect of, "Who is glad to see this past year go?" And it's always met with a resounding YEAH!...But I don't always feel that way. Of course, every year is met with some pain and things we wish were different, but to discount the whole year as being awful and glad to see it go? No. But this past one....well, I've met heaven and hell..sometimes in the same day, the same hour and minute. SO many changes in every area. My faith, my resolve and my beliefs have met the road I walk for sure. I don't have any answers, but the nice, neat boxed appropriate answers no longer apply and I literally walk by faith every day. I can say this though, "His grace has been sufficient, and His power has been made perfect in my weakness." Sometimes people say, "Oh wow what a good mom you are!" in regards to how I care for Sage, but I don't know another way. Any less is not enough. I've had some people come in my life, and I've had some go out. No big fall outs. Just so many shifts in our life. As some have drifted out, God has brought new ones I didn't expect in, and I know I'm cared for and never alone. And I don't discount people because they're not who I expected to form relationships with. Maybe they'll be lifelong. Or maybe it's just for a time. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for the NOW. Because it's all I have. Our outlook. The way we do things. It's all changing. I wouldn't say it's perfect by any stretch, but I'm learning to say, "TODAY is good. We are here. We are healthy. We are on the track to goodness and something better than where we're at, and we have all we need to get there."
1 comment:
Your sentiments are expressed so honestly and succinctly, but I would expect no less from you. :) Thank you for sharing.
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