4 Month Checkup

So Costner Bleu's 4 month checkup came and did not pass without event.  Mister weighed 15 lbs even, as I said, which was in the 50th percentile.  Dr D held him for a second while I took Jaggar to the bathroom, and she said in just those few minutes that her shoulder hurt.  Ha!  Don't I know it?!  He was 26 inches long, which puts him in the 80th percentile.  Tall and skinny.  Then he had to get the dreaded shots.  So sad because he smiled at the nurse in that sweet way that he does right until she did it.  My poor baby.  But Dr D said he was just perfect.  And I needed to hear that.  Ever since we went there not expecting a thing in the world to be wrong with Sage and then being sent to the ER...I have moments of absolute panic even on my brightest days.  I hate it.  It is evil.  It will cause me to start sweating and doubting...and it is literal, tangible fear.  And it's also false.  Because what a perfect boy he is.

 Then we had this one.  He had an ear infection just a week and a half before (he demanded the shot, remember?), so she just was going to glance in and make sure they were clear.  In the car, he said his throat was scratchy.  I figured it was because we had 2 inches of pollen everywhere.  But I asked her to look.  His ear was great.  His throat...not so much. She asked if she could do a strep test, and it was positive.  I couldn't believe it.  And she was just going to write an Rx for medicine so I wouldn't have to pay a co-pay.  That bubble gum medicine that we all used to LOVE as kids.  He starts screaming, "NOOOO!  I don't want medicine!  Give me a shot!  I want a SHOT!!!"  Never in my life...So she was like, "Oh my goodness...well, I didn't want you to have to pay a copay, but I can't just give out shots."  I can't have a cheap child.  SO, off we went to pay ANOTHER copay as he's continuing to scream that he wants a shot.  I was still trying to talk him out of it, "Jaggar, you can get medicine that tastes GOOD.  And NO shot!"  Then he said, "I choose NOTHING!"  lol.  He's awesome, isn't he?  So we paid.  They weighed him.  And I freaked again.  Because it was a pound less than a week before.  And I thought, "He just had an antibiotic.  Why does he have more infection?"  I wanted to see the doctor again.  Because the nurse said, "Well maybe he hasn't been eating because he's not been feeling well."  NO.  Not true. He seemed fine.  Dr D came in.  And I just unloaded on her.  She said, "What was he wearing?"  And he was wearing jeans and a jacket.  This week, he was obviously dressed lighter...but ...I just had so much fear for him.  After some talking, she offered to test him...but I said, "Do you think he's okay?"  And she said, "I really do."  I don't know why I did that.  Because he too, is fine.  And Sage will be too.  I talked with Sage tonight and asked her if she prayed on her own and heard God.  She said yes.  I said, "Do you ask God about having diabetes?"  She said yes.  I said, "And what does He say?"  She said, "He said that if I stick with him that He'll lead me on the path to not having diabetes."  She didn't even pause wen she said any of that.  I've just gotta learn to encourage myself or I'm not going to make it.

 This precious angel started a fever in the night from those shots and kept it the entire next day.  He had knots in his legs, and he cried and ran a fever the entire next day, but even so...he smiled.