Keeping Memories Close: Delivery

Thirty minutes later, the nurse checked again, and just as she thought, I was at a 10. She said she would call Dr Collins and let him know. He said that he'd be over in just a little bit. What we didn't know was that would actually be a good 45 minutes. Then she started to set up the room. Chrissie thought that it was so neat, seeing all of the stuff ready for this new person who was unknowingly about to take his first breaths.

The nurse broke down the bed when she knew Dr Collins was getting close. Chrissie said, "Just think, we could've watched those contractions and you could've had this baby already." I asked what he was doing, and he had 2 more patients at the office for the day. He wanted to be done there before he came over.

When he got there, I said, "You just wanted to make sure that you were right in saying it'd be about 4:00 in the afternoon. So you stalled." He laughed and said, "I just wanted to be all yours for the rest of the day." Code for, "I'm going to Vegas tomorrow for 3 days for a 'business trip' and I need to pack." Told him that too. :) He brought me some ice because my mouth felt like it was lined with cotton. I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and was only allowed ice all day.

Lots of pushes that I couldn't feel. I always use the mirror. I could see nothing happening. Dr Collins said, "This is like watching a pot of water to boil, so I'm going to walk out." I said, "Um don't go far."

We could see his head. Somewhat. It just didn't appear to be moving. But the nurse and Dr C said it was.

He came back in a few minutes later. I asked him to take me to Vegas with him. Then I said that I was his number 1 patient, wasn't I? I told him to just cut me to get it over wtih.

Breaks in between contractions.

Then Dr Collins asked what his name was. Here it was. I said, "His name is Costner." He immediately said, "Oh, cool! I really like that. I've never heard that. Very cool. Different but not too crazy." You know he hears all kinds of crazy. The name. I had looked at baby names until my eyes had crossed. Before I knew it was a boy or a girl, I heard something about Kevin Costner on TV and for whatever reason, his last name jumped out at me. I said, "I think that's cool for a girl." I suggested it to Travis, who was pretty much indifferent about it, but that's about as good as he gets outside of a complete "no way." Then I found out it was a boy. Then we went to the beach. Then Sage got diabetes. Name hunting was at a complete stand still. I couldn't have cared less. As the months turned to weeks and weeks turned to days until he would be born, I always came back to that name. It wasn't crazy. There's a fine line between cool and crazy, especially with boy names. Costner wasn't even IN the baby name finder, which thrilled me because I don't like popular names. If you google it, all you will find is Kevin Costner. Which is fine. I didn't name him after Kevin any more than I named Jaggar after Mick, though I do love Kevin Costner. Travis and I went back and forth in the DAYS before his birth. He kept trying to find things wrong with it. He liked Axel. I did not want a trend of retired rockers as my children's names. He thought that it wasn't fitting with our other kids' names. I totally disagreed. I did tell a few of my close friends whose opinions I valued and their response was immediate love. Travis still wasn't convinced. I realized that my problem was with the other kids' names, I just named them and he just accepted them but didn't like them until positive feedback from others came. This time he was putting in suggestions. And instead of trusting what I already felt and liked, I questioned myself. When I did some searching, I found Costner meant "loved by all." And I knew he would be. People were CONSTANTLY asking me what the name was. People whose opinions I did not value. When I'd say we weren't sure, they'd say, "Well tell us what you're thinking," as if I'd let them choose for me. I wouldn't budge. It was so annoying. I just didn't want opinions. Finally, in the week before I had him, my friend said, "It seems like everyone else is more worried about a name than you are." I said, "EXACTLY. And what do you think that means?" :) We really weren't set on a middle name until the day or 2 before I had him. Travis liked Blue, but he didn't want to look like he did that for Auburn. I said, "Well, I think knowing he's mine will cancel that out. I like Auburn but not that much." Then we couldn't decide on a spelling. Back to labor and delivery. Everyone in the room really liked Costner Bleu (which is what we decided on after he was born), and Dr Collins said, "Come on, Costner!"

Having him was like having my first. It felt like I pushed for foever. The next day, my neck and arms were sore like I'd been in a wreck. I just couldn't feel a thing. Dr Collins said he could get the vacuum out to speed things up. I said, "No." Then he said, "Okay you're going to have to get mad and really get him out." I said, "Start talking, Travis." ;) Kidding. I mean, I did say that, but I was joking.

Suddenly, I could see his head moving. He had some hair but not as much as I expected with all of the horrid heartburn I'd experienced. It was AWFUL.

Dr Collins grabbed a pair of scissors and moved the mirror away so I couldn't see. Numb or not, nobody wants to see that.

As soon as he cut, Costner Bleu was born, and I got to experience the most amazing moment you can experience in life for the 3rd time.

Look at him. So beautiful.

At the time, he looked different to me than the other 2, but now that I look, he reminds me a lot of Jaggar with a little less and lighter in color hair.

Immediate love for him

He was a good size, Dr Collins said.

Dr C said, "Travis, get ready, you need to cut the cord."

And he was free.

Baby

How crazy is that? To be in this place you didn't even know existed. Another world. Experiencing touch and sounds for the first time. They take in so much so early. It's amazing really.