Burned Out

I will admit that sometimes when I'm blogging that I will google words to make sure I'm using them in the context that I think is correct. I wanted to title this post the way that I've felt, and I came across "burnt out" and "burned out," which are variants of each other if anyone cares to know. Anyway, I had to laugh at the examples that they listed and found they were PERFECT.

1.burnt-out - exhausted as a result of longtime stress; "she was burned-out before she was 30"

burned-out

tired - depleted of strength or energy; "tired mothers with crying babies"; "too tired to eat"

None of that has really anything to do with the following pictures, but I have been "burnt out." (I'm torn with which one to use.) Last week, Travis left Wednesday morning to work in Birmingham and didn't come home until Sunday at 12:30 am. On top of that, I hosted a baby shower for Meagan at my house on Saturday. Kindness overflows from my huge heart. :) I think that it turned out nice for her, but I just have to say: I am tired in every way. So if we normally talk and we haven't lately, it's nothing personal, I've just been on empty. We went from Christmas to Sage's birthday to Travis' birthday to Valentines' Day to two baby showers back to back. Then there's all that life in between. You know, speeding tickets and such. Hormones flying. Kids crying. Homework. Dance classes. Sugar overdoses rather than real food. I've not been the best wife, mother, friend or human being lately, and I'm hoping that since I don't have any events on my immediate agenda that maybe I can become a person that I like again and the things that I normally would enjoy doing...that I do enjoy them again. Here's hoping. Soooo..... pictures.

This was actually a few weeks ago. I have several pictures that I meant to post and...I just couldn't make myself do it. I thought I'd have more to go with it, and so I'd wait...anyway. Sage got a pottery wheel from us for her birthday. Did you start singing "Unchained Melody" like you better believe I serenaded them with? They haven't painted it or decorated it yet, which is maybe why I was waiting to post.

Meagan wanted these for her shower, and I sent her a picture to see if the placement was okay before I cut the strings. I really just posted this for the cute kids in the picture. Jaggar has, ironically, not tried to tear them down. Actually, they are still up until she comes to get them because I thought they'd look cute over the crib.

I made these mini fruit pizzas for Meagan's shower, thanks to Pinterest, and I was so pleased with how they turned out. They were pretty much devoured, too. All it takes is sugar cookies (I used pillsbury premade aka "open them and throw them in the oven"), marshmallow cream, blueberries, strawberries and kiwi. I had several cuts on my hands, and let me just tell you that kiwi is basically like pouring acid on an open wound. 45 minutes of fire, folks. Made with love. :) But aren't they pretty?

Sweet Sage cleaned her room up for the shower. I also forgot to post (shame on me) her new bedding that you can see here. Mom bought this for her when she was here, and Sage just loves it. (Also, did you know that Travis made her dollhouse bookcase completely by hand? He sure did. When I was pregnant with Sage, I saw a bookcase that looked just like that at USA baby in Birmingham for the mere price of like $300. I loved the pink roof. Obviously, we didn't buy that, but I really loved it. Everything that I did like, Travis would say, "I can make that," and it drove me nuts. It was everything from clothes to that shelf. I worked 4:30 to midnight as an xray tech while I was in school and pregnant with her, and I came home one night when I got off work and heard her baby fish tank on in her room. I was like, What in the world? I walked in to turn it off and there this was. He had been working on it at a house he was working at to keep it hidden. I have to say that it still makes me smile and think of that every time I really take the time to see it. And there's my memory lane for this post.)

She was so proud and wanted me to take a picture from every angle. The heart pillow (I have a red one for Jaggar) was a Target after Valentine's sale I scored for $9.99. They love them, and Jaggar calls his his pillow pet.

The other corner

Because of the baby shower, we missed Isacah's birthday party, which was a cupcake making party. Chrissie was kind enough to send home what would have been Sage's apron, chef's hat and decor for a heart mosaic. She made those hats. Isn't she creative? She also sent home 5 lbs of fat to me in the form of chocolate covered pretzels, sugar cookies and mini sugar cookies covered in icing, cupcakes and an entire TUB of icing. Thank you for that, my friend.

She also gave Travis an apron (Travis stayed with Chrissie and Sean the whole time since he was doing a 4 day shoot in Birmingham) because he's always wanted one. He's such a girl. ;)

After the LOOOONG week, we made it to Sunday, particularly Sunday afternoon. Sunday mornings are not relaxing for me as I normally sing two services after getting there at 8 am. I was so out of it that I almost missed my own part in the first song we did, and I mean solo. It hit me a millisecond before that the dead space I was hearing was to be filled by me. Ha...then I laughed thinking about it. So we eat and then generally crash for several hours, which is exactly what happened. After naps we all laid in our (my) bed while the kids played with every apple product we own. I'll try to do better on blogging because Jaggar has done something the past few days that deserves its own post.

Also, completely unrelated, Jaggar has recently fallen in love with the Wii. I was going to make this its own post, but clearly I lack the organization to make that happen. SO, I don't think it's fair to hold this back from your viewing pleasure any longer. Every day he says, "I wanna play wii," and by that he means "Smurfs." He really dances, and it is HILARIOUS to see. Check him out here.

Valetine's Day

I felt out of the loop on Valentine's Day this year. Normally I feel like I'm pretty put together in my plans for gifts and ideas...but this year, I was out shopping the night before with every other MALE in the city. I couldn't figure out why I had to park a mile away until I walked in and realized, "Ahhh, yes, I'm with the planners." Anyway, I think the kids were happy regardless of my prior detachment from the planning.

I wanted to keep it pretty simple because...well, my kids need nothing, but I wanted them to know they're my best Valentines. Oh, yes, Travis? Of COURSE, he's mine, but let me just tell you what he got for Valentine's Day: a speeding ticket for over $200. I won't elaborate my thoughts on that on here, but suffice it to say that I was not the LEAST bit happy. Still not actually.

I had that Rudolph (it's actually "Comet" from the Rudolph special) for Jaggar that I ordered off of Ebay because it just looked like him, so I wanted to find something comparable for Sage. I have learned many times that it's best to keep it even in EVERY SINGLE WAY. She was SO happy with this bear. This child LOVES stuffed animals.

And then there's this one. It's so funny to see the differences in he and Sage. Sage is SO much like Travis, and Jaggar is SO much like me. Sage loves bologna (I don't even want to TOUCH it, much less eat it), cheetos, nasty sugary pixie stick like candy, etc just like Travis. Jaggar? He loves dark chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate. And chocolate. Sage ate one piece of her chocolate and put the lid back on for later. She was thrilled with the bear and couldn't wait for Jaggar to see his reindeer. Ha, he was MUCH more excited about the candy. Jaggar ate his entire box of chocolates in 5 minutes. I hid Sage's because he'd have eaten her's, too.

Sage just loved her stuffed animal and carried it around everywhere before school. Jaggar looked at his, asked if he could sleep with it, threw it in his bed and went straight for the candy. I love these two angels and all of their differences. They make MY life so much sweeter.

Running > Me

Well...I have to update on my running. I was loving it. I really did. I still do. Even this past Saturday, I tried to run in the 20 something temperatures, but I couldn't handle the cold and the wind. I had no intentions of stopping. I had worked through the soreness pretty quickly...or so I thought. The problem is that I did too much too fast, and I'm paying for it. I knew the impact really bothered my knees on like the 5th day in a row, so I took a break the next day and went again the day after. That day I ran a full two miles up and down some of the biggest hills in our neighborhood, and I felt really good. I felt really good until I've tried to walk like a normal person up and down my stairs since then. O MY GOD. I thought, "Oh...well, I just need to chill." In rehearsal tonight, standing in one place in heels for so long was enough to make it throb. I tend to put my weight on my right leg, which unfortunately, is the one I've done something to. Carrying Jaggar up the stairs tonight was almost more than I could bear. I read the couch to 5K, and I did exactly what it said NOT to do. And I was a perfect example of literally going from the couch to trying to look like the girls in the Nike ad in a week. I thought I was going to be awesome in 5 days, and now I suck. SO....with that said, the saying, "You gotta crawl before you walk," seems to be me now. Literally. So my efforts to get in shape are taking a huge step backwards because now I can't even run up and down the stairs effortlessly like I would normally do all day. I should've stuck with my initial instinct that exercise never leads to good. So I will no longer be a 15 on a 1-10 scale...at least not until my knee heals (which I'm praying to God at this painful moment that that is VERY soon) as well as my fear of doing it again.

Travis' Birthday

Travis' birthday was Saturday. We celebrated with him taking the kids to a birthday party while I went to a baby shower in Georgia of a friend from college. Life happens. When I got home that evening, he did want to go eat at Mexico Lindo, and that was nice. I did get them to sing to him, which he said he didn't want but I knew he really did. Travis says that he hates attention, and for the most part, this is true. I can relate to that. Okay, that's a lie. Anyway, you can watch it here. He really did think it was awesome when it was said and done. Here's some pics.

That morning, I picked up a dozen donuts from Lamar's. Sinfully good.

The Birthday Boy

His dessert that they brought him

The servers were really nice to let the kids play with the hat for as long as I was willing to let them.

Rest, Whitney

One of the brightest lights in music went out today--Whitney Houston. I am so sad to hear of another HUGE loss in the music world. Such a gift gone too soon. I hope the Lord comforts those who are left empty by her loss.

I watched her interview with Oprah after her attempted comeback, and I was so moved with this song. So beautiful. I find I don't know my own strength either. I am stronger than I think, and I wasn't built to break. Neither was she. And neither are you. So inspiring.



I could go on an on. But HERE is another favorite of mine, too. Thank you, Whitney, for sharing your one of a kind, God given, gift.

And of course...

Father-Daughter Dance

This past Friday, Travis had a date with the other girl in his life, Miss Sage. Sage's school hosted their annual Father-Daughter dance, and she was so excited to go. Here's a few pics of the pretty couple before they left.

I curled her hair and put some lip gloss on her, and she was set for the night. Proud.

Such a pretty girl.

Why yes, it is terrifying to see her look so grown up.

Sage and her hot date

Jaggar had to get in on the fun. Why yes, I do let my child go out in the cool temperatures in nothing but a diaper. He's pretty obsessed with being naked these days. Don't ask me.

So sweet. I am SO glad that HE was her date. I can't even think about the many MANY years ahead when the face of her date will be that of someone else. Like 25 from now.

Rock Star

I hate to brag, but I'm going to brag. :) I have run for 3 days straight now--each day pushing myself further and further. You saw my thoughts on the first day: "NO thank you," and when I woke up the next morning barely able to walk from soreness, you know what I did anyway? Ran again. Further. Then I went inside and played Michael Jackson for 20 more minutes. I am actually really liking it. It clears my head. It's a rare time of just me, God, Britney Spears, John Mayer, Beyonce' and Justin Timberlake, to name a few. I find when I want to quit, I go further. Life lesson, maybe? Today is Sunday, a day of rest, and I had all intentions of it being just that...but when the kids laid down for naps, I changed clothes and went for it. I went over 2 miles in my neighborhood. There are some serious hills in here, too. I don't know what, if anything, this will turn into, but I just have to warn everyone that I could be a possible 15 on a scale of 1-10. ;)

Shape

Well, January was not our month for any type of fitness. I'd say December was a better month for me in that than January. BUT...today, Travis went for a RUN. He ran solid for over a mile, which I'd say is a great start. I laugh at Travis a lot in talking about fitness, but he was a serious athlete: soccer, wrestling (which required daily to the POUND weigh ins)...he's a black belt in karate. So he knows how to get in shape. Me? I can't really say I'm OUT of shape because I've never been in it. I haven't an ounce of tone other than some natural God given abs. Crazy but true. So...it occurred to me that I wonder what I could look like if I tried. I'll be out of my 20s this year....and I want to age well...AND I will not be outdone by Travis. So I took Chanel and ran through our neighborhood. Um....it was not an instant love. I know some are addicted to working out, but I don't think I'll have a problem in that aspect. I can't even say that I will keep it up, but who knows? Actually, I can pretty much say I won't do that regularly. If I do, I'll be pleasantly surprised. My issue will be if my legs get bigger. I don't care if it's muscle. I don't want anything getting bigger.

Chanel was excited. Initially. And so was I.

Travis thought he'd record me getting back. Funny. I totally run like a girl.


THIS was what Travis ate for lunch. He's an athlete. He is NOT a dietician. If we could merge our two strong points, we'd be perfection. OR...the perfect couple. ;) jk.
I'll keep running if I look like this by next week. When I went to the gym FIVE days a week, this was always my goal. Never happened, btw.

Our newest entertaining video diary. I realize I look like crap in the majority of these. Oh well.

Sweet Celine

In my solitude this evening (Travis is shooting a basketball game in Birmingham), I found some comfort in my favorite singer, Celine. She is the epitome of what every singer and performer wants to be, but few are. I'd give anything to be like that: amazing, flawless voice EVERY time its used, tall, skinny as a rail, kind and giving to her fans...but I'd settle for a wind machine. That's as realistic as any expectation I could hope to have out of those. I love this song. It was actually what was played (her slow version, which is perfection...and I'd never seen this video till now. Idk why those half naked people are in there but whatev.) right before I walked down the aisle, and I have to say it was beautiful. Isn't she? Love this song.




THIS one is also really fun. I hope to see her show in Vegas one day. Travis, make that happen.

Celine plus my main man, MJ??? YES please! One of my favorites.

I'm getting lost in youtube, and THIS song...oh, I don't know what it is about it, but I fell in love with it the moment I heard it, which was in 7th grade on her "Let's Talk About Love" album. I still find myself singing it at random times when I'm alone. I think it's so pretty, and the melody just gets me as well as the lyrics. I've always related to them. Lovely.

Catching Up

Hola. What a week it has been. Sickness. Sickness. Sickness. My every other night of 4 hours of sleep has continued. On Sunday when we got home from Classic, Travis told me that Sage had a headache. We were going to take her to church with us, and at the last minute, I decided to let her stay home. I'm SO glad I did that because I knew that headache meant one thing: fever. Instant. Just like with Jaggar. By that evening, it was 102.9. I called the dr's office on Monday and told the receptionist that Jaggar had just tested positive for strep a few days ago. I KNEW that she had strep. Instant, high fever. Refusing to eat or drink. Could they just call in some medicine for Sage? She told me probably not. They'd need to see her. She didn't have anything until late in the day. Did I want to see the nurse practitioner? Ha. Um (hell) no. I told her to give my message to them in the back and have them call me back. Dr Dela Cruz told me the last time that if I had a problem to tell them to just give my message to HER and not take whatever random thing they had to say. So that's what I did. And a few hours later they called to say that they'd called her in a Rx. Thank you, Jesus. Here's our stash. Did I mention that we have to mix Jaggar's medicine in gingerale because he acts like a rabid dog when trying to give it to him? Kicking, screaming, hitting, SPITTING. Yeah, it's been awesome. Thankfully, after two days of Sage missing school, they both seem to be on the upside of things. The whining level (ESPECIALLY Jaggar) has been through the roof, and that seems to have subsided, too.

Happy times. Before she got sick, she was able to use her gift card from Kaci and Amber to Claire's at the mall. She chose these fake nails.

So today, I've been pretty lazy. Sage came in my room at 3:43 this morning to say that her throat hurt. Since she didn't get a shot, the results from one dose of medicine weren't instant, so I expected that. Because of that, she stayed home again today, so we did NOTHING all day. Thankfully, Mom and Mema didn't seem to mind. But when Travis got home, he said that his family invited us to....Western Sizzlin.' Do I need to share my thoughts on this place? I hate it. But for the good of the group, I sacrificed myself and my body yet again. :) I'm generous like that. Photo attempt number 1.

And photo attempt 2. Congrats to Sage, who was ready in both.

This was my fork. Do I need to say anything else about it? I read something the other day like if you pretend that you don't struggle in any area of your life: financially, emotionally, mentally...a lot of other "ly's" then you leave people feeling like they aren't spiritual enough and ultimately defeated. I think it's clear that I struggle mentally;), so let me help someone out here and say that I totally blew it tonight. Our service wasn't great. Everyone noticed except FOR me, really. I don't expect much when I go to Western Sizzlin' anyway, but I personally never really lacked for anything. But 20% gratuity was added because of our party size. So...I went up to Travis at the register WHILE he was paying and said, "That is ridiculous. She didn't do anything. That's why we didn't get good service because she knew she already had her tip. It's a buffet..." just acting in a way that is not really what I'd like to consider my current character. And Travis came back and said that the girl at the register took it off--her tip. The waitress came in and apologized to Travis. They were just understaffed. I was not nice, to put it mildly. And I felt instant conviction. Travis was thrilled that I actually CARED that I acted like that. That's a big step for me, I guess. But I REALLY felt terrible to give someone a hard time that I know probably gets one pretty regularly in her job. Waitressing is no joke. I'm so sorry about that. I won't forget it. But you guys can get some better silverware. You have to admit that's funny.

Okay, so what else? We've really enjoyed having mom and mema here these past (almost) two weeks. We've had a home cooked meal every night, and it's been so nice. The food is G-O-O-D. And so convenient because I've been eating all of my many emotions lately and I've clearly had a lot of them, so this has been nice. Sage specifically requested peanut butter fudge, and she helped Mema to make it. Cute.

One last picture of them before they leave tomorrow. We've enjoyed it, ladies! (Little J has enjoyed it, too, though he was in bed here. He sat next to Mema earlier and said, "You're so cute.")

Also, today is the last day of January! Can you believe that? Have you wondered how Travis' resolution has gone? Well, wonder no more! Something tragic has happened to ME though. Maybe it was my smugness in having it all under control as far as eating right goes. I've gotten fatter, too. I was fine over Christmas, and I gain weight in January. How does that even happen? And Is Jaggar not the cutest thing ever???

Lunch With Sinners

Today was a weird day. Jaggar is still not feeling well, so he was up at 4 am. Thankfully, I did not have to sing today, but I thought I should still go to church in spite of that. Call me crazy. I struggled with staying awake this morning. My mom said that my eyes were bloodshot, and they are. That would be because I've gotten 4 hours of sleep like every other night this week. So anyway, after dozing for a few on the couch, I got up and decided to get ready for church. Travis was going to stay home with Jaggar, who is covered from head to toe in a red, speckled rash from the strep virus. His face is also raw from wiping his nose nonstop. Good times here. I decided to let Sage stay home as well, so it was just me, Mom and Mema going to church. Mom said, "We should go to Classic for lunch." Nice idea. Only the 11:00 service doesn't let out in enough time to get there before they closed. So, being with sinners, we went to church for the music and then slipped out. How terrible is that? I told them that I hope their meal was worth going to hell for. I think it was.

Not pictured is my other dessert plate. Today is a day that bulimia would've been a good choice. I'm kidding. Kind of. I blame that on my lack of sleep and 20 lb weight gain this week. Thanks, sinners, for getting me to go. It was yummy and a lovely time to spend it with these ladies AND without children.

Sick Boy

I've alternated nights of good sleep to not nearly enough this week. On Wednesday night, I left my house to go to church. Jaggar was screaming and crying, but Mom and Mema were here, so I figured he just wanted me to stay. We had just been playing in the yard, and he had been running around. So I was shocked when I got home and Jaggar was still awake and hot with a fever. 101.9 What?! Just totally unexpected. Mom said he never stopped crying, and when he wouldn't eat the popcorn she made (his fave) or play in the bathtub (he loves a bath), something was definitely wrong. I didn't really know what. Shortly after Travis laid him down, he was up crying and saying, "I want my mommy!" He was still so hot even with medicine...so I prepared myself for the night to come. I put him in my bed. Obviously, he was in pain. He never slept soundly. I watched the clock so that I could give him more medicine at the right time, which the heat his body left on my sheets was a reminder as well as his constant cries of pain. So sad. This morning, he acted better, but he was still hot. And as he watched a few movies, I looked at him.

He was like this. Still so sweet.

And trying to smile for a picture.

But his eyes weren't right. He was still running a fever. And he wouldn't eat. So I made the call to the doctor. They called me back and asked if I could be there in 30 minutes. We flew since it's a 30 minute drive, but we made it. He sat next to me the entire time...another sign things weren't right. He still hadn't asked for anything to eat, so it wasn't a HUGE surprise (I suppose) that he tested positive for strep.

She said that his throat looked horrible. She is very against shots unless it's absolutely necessary, but with the way his throat looked, she thought it was best along with an Rx. I couldn't believe how it got that bad so fast.

The shot was pretty traumatic. I know it stings, and we had to wait another 15 minutes to make sure that he didn't have a reaction. For the rest of the day until bedtime, he couldn't and wouldn't walk (the shot was in his leg). He cried in the bath. When he did try to walk from the couch to the chair, he limped because he said his leg hurt.

So our day was spent like this. Hopefully a good night's rest will do ALL of us some good and that that mess doesn't go to anyone else. TGIF, right?