Papa's funeral was last Monday, September 26th. It turned out to be a beautiful day because the expected rain we were supposed to get came in the night. I wasn't expecting to play a part in the funeral at all. The blog I initially wrote about Papa circulated quickly through my family, and Brother Noe heard it and said, "That says it all doesn't it. Can I get a copy of that?" So mom gave it to him. I initially thought that Brother Noe, who was officiating, would read it. But he came to me at the viewing and said that it was so pretty and that it would be so much better if I could read it. I didn't know if I could, but the next day, I knew it would be the most important thing that I could do that day. So I did. I read it. What started off as something so personal touched many, I think. Kevin said I said what everyone was thinking. I'm glad I could do it. The gravity of our loss is still sinking in. Are we sad for him? Not. One. Bit. But we grieve for the part of our lives that isn't there anymore. It hurts. It feels unfair. But we don't grieve without hope. Many people have said it was the most beautiful funeral they've attended, and I hope so. He deserved that, and for that matter, so did Mema.
I also, at the last minute, decided to sing. I didn't say, "Hey, I'm singing!" They wanted me to sing, I just didn't know if I could. Carrie was already singing one song, but they needed two. So I thought the day before, "I don't know if I could sing by myself, but I bet I could sing with Carrie and BJ." I also thought, "In Christ Alone" would be so appropriate and uplifting. BTW, Carrie and BJ are who I moved to Alabama with and began singing with. They really taught me what I know about singing, and we hadn't sung together in a really long time. We needed a keyboard, but the funeral home said they only had an organ. Well, In Christ Alone wouldn't sound good with that. The day of the funeral, Carrie and BJ got there with lyrics printed to every song I'd mentioned. When we walked back, against the wall was a keyboard. BJ said, 'What's that?" They said it was like a child's version of a good keyboard, but BJ said it would sound better than an organ. I decided to sing in the chapel rather than a back room, even though that would have been easier emotionally. It was the first time we'd all sang together in years. I think it turned out lovely. I didn't notice until looking back that even though we had our eyes closed, Carrie and I had synchronized motions. How weird is that? It meant a lot to my mom to have us sing together again. Here it is. (Pardon Jaggar saying, "CHEEEESSSSEEEE" throughout the entire thing. Any time he sees my phone, he thinks we're taking a picture of him. He's usually right. He did pretty well to be himself and sit through the service. A few times, he shouted out, "I want NONNI." And began to sing a few songs of his own, but other than that...)
Carrie sang, "If you could see me now," as well. If there was ever a more appropriate song for this situation, this is it. She also sang this at Carol's funeral.
This is where I read my blog. I was WAY more nervous about this than singing.
The ceremony was so beautiful. My favorite part was where Brother Noe talked about how years ago, he had to have open heart surgery. As a pastor, he had a lot of people come through to visit him. He said, "Do you know whose visit meant the most? This guy," as he pointed to the casket. This was before Papa was in a wheelchair and walked with a cane. "Because he had to struggle just to get in the hospital to see me." And he did. Mom said he almost fell in the parking deck. But the first thing he said when he got in the room was, "Been fishing lately?"
As people paid their final respects, I watched little Lukas. He lost his mother and now his grandfather. Tough to see.
I watched this lady. Linda Noe, remember her? She had the stroke in January. I watched her wait until Mema was going up there, and then she asked Clay to push her up there. He pushed her close enough, so that she could stand up and hug Mema on her level. That same kindness that Papa made to visit Brother Noe in the hospital was returned right here.
I watched my mom comfort her mother.
I watched all the grandsons as pall bearers to a patriarch of our family.
I watched Danny and my mom hold their mother's hands to lead her outside as we paid one last tribute to the man she loved.
Final prayers
Brother Noe hugging the family
Then they gave each of us a rose off of the casket.
He needed some help
because he wanted to look like the pallbearers.
Service concluded
In spite of it all, I did think it was pretty outside.
Mom decided it'd be easier to get all of the pictures and his things then, rather than to have to come back to the funeral home. So they went inside to do that, and Amber wanted to go to Carol's (her mom) grave and put the flowers off of Papa's casket on her grave. I'd never been to it, so we all went. There is Lukas.
Jake
All of the kids were still around Carol's grave when I caught Lukas out of the corner of my eye. I had no idea that Papa was being buried just across the way from Carol's grave. He had walked over there. It touched me to see.
It's not goodbye. See you later.
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