Little J

Little Jaggar had a rough go of it a week and a half ago.  See?  Trying to be more specific time wise.  He's such a good looking boy, isn't he?  I found myself really struggling with him lately in the listening area.  And Travis has been gone so much that my patience was extremely thin.  So, I just did not get his deal.  At the time, I couldn't add it up to anything other than a 4 year old testing his limits and missing his dad.

 But the Friday before last, I was giving him a bath and touched his ear with the wash cloth when he just began to SCREAM and cry.  I was like what in the world?  I thought maybe a bit of water got in it, but he was screaming that his ear hurt.  So I got him out and told him that the heat from the hair dryer would help.  He seemed to calm down, and I laid him on the bed on that side, hoping water would drain from it if that was the issue.  Jaggar has a VERY high thresh hold for pain.  He is the child that if I spank him, he'll make sure to tell me, "Hey, Mommy, that didn't hurt!"  He is just a tough boy.  He prefers shots at the doctor, remember?  And he HATES medicine.  I asked him if it felt better, and he just flatly said, "No," but he went downstairs to watch tv while I was putting Costner to bed.  No more then 10 minutes later, he came screaming through the house, "MY EAR HURTS!!!"  I just knew.  It was bad.  He doesn't act that way.  I've given birth to 3 children, and I can distinctly remember specific ear infections I've had as clearly if not more than labor.  It's that bad.  So I began calling people that I knew were close to help me with my other 2.  It was 7pm.  Costner was going to bed.  Sage was in her pjs.  It was wind down time here, so if my neighbor could've come by and sat with the other 2, it would've been ideal.  I'm thinking I'm going to CARES right by my house, which closes at 8.  I called 3 or 4 different people.  Multiple times.  Houses and cells...with no answer.  Talk about irritated and a bit frantic.  I told Sage to get her clothes on because we were ALL going, and guess what?  CARES was closed.  They closed at 6 pm...so it was to my old employer, Patient First, in Anniston. The car ride was disturbing because every turn, Jaggar would gasp and scream, "MY EAR!  Mommy help me!"  Then I heard him saying, "Jesus help me!"  It was pitiful.  We got to the doctor's offfice, and I told them, "Look...he doesn't act like this.  I know this is a full house here, but please.  He is in serious pain."  The kid that hates doctors was begging for a doctor.  AND medicine.  Thankfully, Nichole saw my missed call, called me back to see what was up, and without question from me came up to the doctor's office from where they were eating to get Sage and Costner on their own insisting.  Because I'm thinking, "I'm here.  I'm fine."  I'm so glad she came because of COURSE we were there for forever.  Jaggar was begging to be seen.  Telling me his ear hurt and then screaming, "THIS PLACE IS BORING!"  Then he'd say, "Is the doctor coming?  Can I get some medicine?!"  He was miserable and writhing, and it was heartbreaking.  We got called back and they were like, "How long has this been going on/"  Umm...hour and a half at this point?  He literally had NO symptoms until right beforehand.  No fever.  No complaints.  We waited in the room for even LONGER.  I turned the lights off and held him while he screamed in pain.  I touched his ear; it was wet.  At first I thought it MIGHT be tears...but no, it was definitely draining.

 So, so sad.  It was traumatic for me, too, seeing him like that.  I was calling and calling Travis but he never even answered because he was working.  Finally the doctor came in and asked a few questions.  I said that his ear was draining, and he said, 'That means it's ruptured."  He looked in and his ear was bulging.  He wasn't going to look for the tear because of Jaggar's pain, but he assured me once they treated it that it would heal.  (A few days later, we ended up at our pediatrician with Costner, and I had her look.  The tear was about a quarter of an inch, she said.  Is that not crazy?!)  Not only that, his other ear was infected, too.  They put some numbing drops in his ears to give him some relief, gave him some ibuprofen and a shot of rocephin, as well as a Rx.  By the time we left the office, he was a different kid.  We went to Craig and Nichole's to get the other kids, and he was excited to tell Paisley his story of his ear infection triumph...and then talk about Christmas...and that he is going to be a bug scientist :).  Sage was even bothered by how much pain he'd been in, wanting to make sure he was okay.   I KNOW he couldn't have been pain free at that point, but it was enough for him...and I thought, "Does he just not even know what feeling good is?"  HOW could he have let that get so bad without saying a word?  Where he'd been getting up at 6 (super early for him), he instantly slept until 8 something the next morning.  He is good as new now, and he was making SURE I gave him his medicine daily.  Such a STARK contrast to the kid that used to spit it in our faces because he hated medicine so much.  I'm glad he's such a tough boy, but not THAT tough!  I told him if his ear hurt at all that I needed to know and that we'd fix it so that it never got that bad again. SO glad that night is over!

Jaggar's 3 year (and 5 month) Check Up

Obviously, there is a schedule for well check ups for children.  At this age, it's on, shortly before, or shortly after their birthdays.  I am behind clearly. 

I was behind with Sage, too.  I intended to take them BOTH before we went to the beach in July.  Then I ended up just taking Sage for her "well check up" as soon as we got back from the beach.  Then we were sent to the hospital, and life as we knew it stopped.  It's been just a few days over 3 months since that day, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

But I couldn't neglect the fact that Jaggar needed his 3 year old check up.  So, I finally just picked up the phone and called them on Monday.  They scheduled it for Thursday morning.  On Wednesday night, a flood of emotions came over me.  The last time we casually went, we went straight to the ER.  It's still difficult for me to process.  It still feels like an open wound to me.  It's not like a funeral that was really sad at the time, but as life goes on, you look back and just remember it.  It's still very painful to think of.  So, for me, going back there, even though I love that office and am so glad we use our dr there, it felt like going back to the scene of a fatal car wreck for the first time since the accident.  I remembered everything about that day.  Assuring my child that nothing bad would happen...and proving to be wrong.  Jaggar, of course, was just happy to see the fish once we were there.

We didn't wait long.  I thanked God that they didn't put us in the same room or even remotely close to the room we'd been in that day with Sage.  It was actually a room I've never been in, which was even better.  The dr came in and was so glad to see us.  She, of course, asked about Sage and we talked about how much it all...sucks.  She said she was so devastated to see that reading that day.  I now know why.  I wanted assurance that Jaggar was okay.  I don't know why.  I just...I thought Sage was.  So I felt like I questioned everything.  He was 3'3" tall, which put him in the 97th percentile for height, and he weighed 33lbs, putting him in the 76th percentile for weight.  I thought that was GREAT.  He weighed just 6 lbs less than Sage did 3 months ago at 7 years old.  She said she'd like to see him be about 4 lbs heavier, but good grief, I think 76th percentile is awesome.  Sage was always way below the 50th.  But we are small people.  Travis weighed 140lbs as a senior.  I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and still smaller than most.  So, she wasn't concerned at all about it.  Jaggar has gained 5 lbs since January alone.  So, that's wonderful.  Sage hadn't gained any weight in a year.

Then, I asked about blood sugar.  She said that I could periodically test him at home, but I wanted nothing to do with it.  I'd thought about it several times those first few days and weeks we were home.  I even tried to talk him into it...but I just couldn't.  I didn't want to bring that in our home anymore than it already was.  So she offered, and I accepted.  Of course, he cried.  I watched that meter flashing while it read for what seemed like eternity.  95 came up.  I knew it was good, but I still had to ask.  She came back in, smiling and said everything was great, especially after him being sick (he had an ear infection where he finally lost his other tube...you know the ones he never needed from 10 months old...and had gotten water in it the other night, which was excruciating for him since there's still a hole there).  It was a relief.  I'm not going to live my life in fear.  I have to remind myself that this isn't medical as much as it is spiritual, but I do have to have a balance in both right now.  I can't NOT give Sage insulin in faith.  That's stupidity.  But what I can do is maintain my mental stability with the truth of God's word.  TD Jakes posted this today, and I found it fitting.

God’s Word prevails! The obstacles of past scars (wounds) can be overcome by present truths. Your deliverance will not start in your circumstances; it will always evolve out of your mentality.

So important.  I'm thankful for a growing, healthy boy in Jaggar and am glad that that will only continue.  I'm sure of it.

Another Doctor Visit

Yesterday was already my second dr's appointment. Time is flying, as I knew that it would. I told Dr Collins about my stomach virus from hell. He said that that was really running rampant lately, and I can testify. TWICE in a week, in case you missed that. Later he said, "You know I'm going to need to see you gaining weight, right?" We do kind of fight about that. I have no problem gaining weight in pregnancy. I just don't think you need to gain 50 lbs. But it's way too early in the game to worry about that yet. That stomach virus lessened my blow this time on the scale, I feel sure.

He asked me if I wanted to do the triple screen, which is the blood work that they do in the beginning to see if your baby has Down's syndrome. I don't know why I've thought twice about it this time. I didn't do it with either of my other children and never gave it a second thought. I've heard about false positives. He said that he and his wife got one themselves. After going back and forth about it, he said there's only two reasons to do it. 1. If I'm planning to terminate the pregnancy. 2. If I'm going to obsess about it nonstop. (does he know me?) In the end, I assured myself of what I know--that this baby is a sweet, perfect...PERFECT gift from God made in His image...just fine, all systems operating exactly as they should without any dysfunction. And we'll just get confirmation of all of those things at the 20 week ultrasound. Then we talked about a TLC show I saw called "Obese and Pregnant." I wanted to know how he deals with examining fat FAT people. He loves me. Anyway, on my way out, they called up to the desk and said that I needed to go across the hall for a heart check in ultrasound. I did notice that they didn't do the doppler, but I didn't think much of it. So, I got an unexpected ultrasound. I asked the girl if that was normal to do that just for heart rate, and she said no, so it was my lucky day.

Just look at how much this baby has grown! Looks like a baby now!! And what was even cooler is that I could see those little legs moving, even though I can't feel them yet. I think this picture is pretty self explanatory. You can see the head, the body, the legs...an arm? Travis goes, "What is that? I don't get that." Sigh...

Look at the huge difference in growth in just four weeks: from 8 1/2 to 12 1/2. Amazing.

By the way, Travis and I have been discussing names and we have narrowed it down quite a bit. The due date really made it simple for us. Because this will be a Christmas time baby, we are going with Kris Kringle...OR one of the 8 reindeer. I feel sure Jaggar's vote is for Rudolph. What do you think??

Baby Debut

My first doctor's appointment was on Monday. Everything went really well...other than the fact that when I got there, the receptionist asked why I was there. Apparently, they never wrote my appointment down. I said, "Well, I didn't make it up." Travis said that I'd need to call them from now on. I said, "You mean do someone elses job for them? As much money as they are getting, I'm not doing a thing. That's their deal." I mean, seriously. But it was fine, and I was seen anyway, and I did not have to say any of those above mentioned things to them. Anyway, the first appointment is fun because they do an ultrasound. HERE is our baby! I know, not too exciting yet but what you can't see and hear like we did was the strong, rapid heartbeat. He/she is alive and well. Such a miracle to see that.

When I showed Jaggar the picture, he said, "That's a t-rex. That's a brachiosaurus." It's one of the two, we suppose. Anyway, based on my last cycle, my due date was 12-16-12, but Dr Collins said they are going by the ultrasound, which showed he/she to be a little further than that, making the due date 12/12/12. Travis thought that was the best thing ever and says that we are DOING that date (I'm all about inductions). I said, "Um...you're starting to think you've got a say in a lot lately." The name, the date.... He said that he hasn't named a child of ours yet, and I said, "Yes, and we're not going to break that trend." :) No ideas yet, but I'm sure it will be something everyone initially hates only to love later. Hate to break that trend, too.

Another funny thing about this appointment was that when they did my height, I asked what it was. I KNOW I'm 5'7, but the last time, they said I was 5'6. The girl said, "5'7." I told her about the last appointment, and she said, "Ha, well they have you as 5'5 in the computer." I've grown two inches! They also gave me something for nausea, which I have to say has been a pretty regular thing in my life lately. It is NO fun. My house has suffered for it. My children have suffered. We've all suffered. Out of nowhere I'll start sweating and breathing heavy, and it feels like I'm going to throw up or pass out, and I instantly have to lay down no matter WHERE that may be. This morning, it happened to be at the kitchen table. I was calling for Travis, who was upstairs, to get me some juice. Drink your juice, Shelby! ;) Anyway, hopefully that will work its magic and moreso that it will pass soon and very soon.