Meeting Our Son

It's hard to believe that only last Wednesday, May 20th, our lives were so, so different. I've had every intention of blogging about it, but um...I've been a bit busy. Today though, as BOTH of my kids are sleeping, I felt an overwhelming urge to recap my thoughts with photos about the birth of our son, Jaggar Cruiz Spence. I'd spent the days leading up to Wednesday doing last minute THINGS: my last dr's appointment, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping...it was a bit frantic. People would ask me if I was excited, and I was actually kind of scared. I wanted it to be perfect. We were going in at midnight on Thursday, which to us, is like Wednesday night. And because it was my second child, I had this fear I'd have him at like 4 or 5 in the morning and Sage wouldn't be there. Little did I know, I was so so wrong about that assumption. Dr Collins assured me that was pretty unlikely, even dilated at a 2 that Tuesday. He said he predicted it to be about 11 the next morning.

Wednesday afternoon, Travis, myself and my mom (who arrived on Monday) took Sage to the museum in Anniston as a fun last "hurrah" with just her. It was actually REALLY really great. Travis had a friend that worked there, and he let us in the animal part where Sage got to touch snakes, lizards, chinchillas, owls...it was really fun, and I have pictures of that..but who knows if you'll ever see those. After that, we ate...THEY ate...I was too nervous. I had such pressure from the baby that I was miserable. I chalked it up to nerves actually. After that we went home, and I began frantically packing for myself. Yeah, I hadn't packed a thing for myself up until that point. Travis is out in the yard playing with Sage and cleaning the pool, which REALLY annoyed me. We were going to have a BABY. I showered, packed...and then waited. It was 8 something. I saw what's his name..Chris? win american idol. I preferred Adam. Then I wanted to love on Sage. I wanted her to know all these things that a 4 year old couldn't understand and frankly could care less about. Then I wanted her to go to bed because I certainly wasn't going to have her up until midnight. Mom was nervous she might miss it too...we just didn't know. Everyone went to sleep, including Travis. I waited. I prayed. I read my bible. I facebooked. Then it was 11:40 pm, and it was time to go...I'll keep writing over pictures now.

This is one last belly shot before Sage went to bed.

Saying goodbye, behave, we'll see you in the morning.
We got to the hospital a little after midnight. It was an odd feeling knowing we were walking in to get out this little person that had inhabited ME for the past 9 months. It's a concept you can't even grasp. I gave the labor/delivery nurses my papers from Dr Collins, and they immediately got started. Let's sign these papers. Here's the gown. When you come out, we'll go from there. What? Don't we get to discuss....um American Idol first? I don't remember the 1st nurse's name. She was really nice though. She put the IV in my hand, which nauseated me. I told her I was terrified of it. She said I jinxed myself because she had to do it twice. But it was done. Pitocin was started and would be increased as time went on. I told her I didn't want it to happen too fast. She, too, assured me that probably wouldn't happen.

It was about 1 am, a happy time. I've got my laptop and my cell phone. We got settled, talked for a few, then Travis went to sleep. I watched the clock and the nurse come in to turn up the pitocin. Dr Collins told me that I could have my epidural at any time, God bless him. But as hours turned into early morning, I still didn't feel the need. One change I made this time was to not get pain medicine before the epidural. I had codeine with Sage, and it made me half nuts. I remember so little from that. I actually fell asleep on the toilet in labor with Sage in the early stages before the epidural. I did it for me, and I did it for Sage. I didn't want her to be freaked out by my lack of "being there" mentally.
Hooked up to the baby monitor. His sweet heartbeat
Waiting for baby.
With each hour that went by- 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am...I knew Sage would be able to be there. I think I slept about 2 hours that night. I was having contractions. I asked the nurse if she was going to check to see if I had progressed, but she said, "No, you're still way too calm." They could tell it wasn't progressing. I think at about 7 am, a new nurse came in and checked and I was a 3. She asked if I wanted my epidural. I said, "I do before Dr Collins breaks my water." Less than 5 minutes later, Dr Collins came in to break my water. How I wished I'd taken that epidural beforehand. He said, "I think I got it." I said, "Oh you got it." just to get him to stop. A few minutes later, he definitely did. UGH, what a disgusting feeling. I was going, "This is NASTY! Oh my gosh! Gross!" drama. Then I got the epidural...which was also a bit nauseating because I was fully aware. I have to give credit to the nurse and anesthesiologist. They were so nice in telling me exactly what was going on and then making small talk. then it was done, and I felt MUCH better. Then my sweet girl arrived with my mom.
All is well. She made it. She had a gift from her brother that I let her have then--an art set to occupy her. She was excellent. She was kind of intimidated, but I really was ME. So I think she felt ok. Meanwhile...I was still a 3. It was 10 something in the morning...then 11...
Sage being Sage
This was my nurse, Kathy. I saw her through her entire shift. I saw all shift changes actually. I just wasn't progressing. They put an internal monitor in to see if they could up the pitocin, but they couldn't. It was just waiting. I think I made it to a 4 later that afternoon? This nurse had to go, and we were both disappointed because she wanted to deliver "her patient." The next nurse was equally as kind, which was good since I kind of went downhill. I don't remember what I was dilated to, but the facebooking stopped. I was really thirsty and really tired. I had Travis get me some ice, which at the time, was the greatest thing in the world. Then it was the worst. it made me nauseous. I told my new nurse, Ashley, that I felt nauseous. She said that was probably because of the ice and that it was normal. She came in again. I told her I felt I was going to throw up. She said that was normal too. I said, "No. Like now now NOW." Thank GOD they got a pan because I certainly did. Many times. It was disgusting. My blood pressure dropped.
If this pic ever gets copied, I will kill someone. If you zoomed in, you could see my bp was 95/45. They gave me oxygen, which was more nauseating. The anesthesiologist came back in and gave me something else for that, but it didn't help. I threw up again. Dr Collins wanted me more upright. He came in and said that he'd have to consider a C-section, but as long as I was progressing, it was ok. This was nothing like anyone thought it might be, but I guess that goes to show you that EVERY baby really is different. Finally at 5pm, I had been progressing for a while, and I was 10! Everyone was ready to meet this new boy.
Chrissie got there along with many other people waiting outside. This was right before it was time to push. For some reason, I had just wanted it to be Travis and I in the room this time. I felt more modest, and I didn't know why. Having a baby strips you of any and all of that. At the last minute, I asked Chrissie if she'd like to stay in. She's my best friend. It was really special to have her there and share in that. She took some gorgeous pictures too. And of course, I had my mom come in too, which I think I always planned on. I put her name on the list when we checked in. My only concern was Sage, and she was outside playing with Harrison and Isacah, so I knew she'd be okay.
One last picture of Travis and I before it was time. They broke the bed down. It all seemed to happen fast for it to take FOREVER to get there. I was a 3 for 3 weeks! Dr Collins came in and watched me push the first time. then he walked out. Ha, the nurses do most of it. TV shams you into thinking otherwise. I wanted a mirror. I was pretty vain. I asked about hemorrhoids again. Dr Collins came back. I asked if he could just push down on my stomach (fundal pressure) and squeeze him out. he said that I'd done all this work and I'd finish it. Then I told him I thought he'd have to cut. He told me to just wait. I said, "No I really think you are." Finally, he said, "I'm going to agree with your assessment." He laughed at how much I thought I knew. I said, "Was it a 3?" He held up 2 fingers. Then I heard another cut. He'd just made it a 3. I didn't have the mirror for that, for obvious reasons but right after that at 5:49 pm...
the most precious, beautiful, gorgeous sound was heard and then seen...Jaggar Cruiz. It's the most overwhelming moment. He had dark hair. He looked JUST like Sage, which is what I'd prayed. I'd had this awful feeling I wouldn't like my son throughout my pregnancy. It was a terrible feeling. But there he was, and I was overwhelmed with emotion for him.
Chrissie took this, and it sums up why I had her in there. Great moment.
he cried. a lot. so did we.

Oh the conversations between he and I. I began to ask him about what he feels like when really large patients come in and he has to examine them. He was cracking up. He just said that we're all God's children. True true.
But more importantly...
Sweet sweet baby
I think this is where I said, "you made it a 3, didn't you?"
7 lbs, 3 oz
19 1/2 inches long
Just beautiful
I do love Dr Collins. I've considered asking him to marry me if things between Travis and I don't work. kidding.
Holding him the first time. What a feeling.
And the first person to see him...

I'm not sure she knew what to think.

This was still in the labor/delivery room. Yeah, this wasn't overwhelming. not.
I have to say that right after I had Jaggar, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I was in a LOT of pain and was kind of in shock, I think. We came in at midnight, and he wasn't born until almost 6 pm. That's a long day! It was a lot rougher this time than with Sage, and I hadn't expected it. But I remember being alone with him for a few minutes right after I had him. And I looked at him, not even able to pick him up by myself at that time. But I loved him. And I sang to him what I sing to Sage every night:

May the Lord bless you and keep you
Make His face to shine upon you
May the Lord be gracious unto you.
May His countenance shine upon you
And give you peace

And I knew we'd be just fine. Again, just gorgeous
I had to thank God too. I thought I wanted another girl, but He gave me what HE knew I really needed and wanted. As the days have gone by, I have become so smitten with him. He is the sweetest boy ever. I know this is the longest blog ever, but I wanted to remember. I wanted him to know that he is the one for me, and I am so, so glad that he is here with us.