Today, it has been 3 weeks (I think?) since we came home from the hospital with Sage. What a whirlwind of a time that has been. I didn't know a thing about diabetes before all of this. All I knew was that there was one that required shots, and I was mortified to know that was what we were dealing with and the vastness of how complex it really was.
Normally, I read on anything and everything that I experience. I'm not kidding. When I experienced my first sting back in the winter by that crazy wasp in my purse, I read about wasp stings. I love to read and learn. When Sage had that staph infection in her finger, I read about staph. I read about strep throat when they get strep. I read about splinters, conceiving, ear infections, pregnancy, saving money, decorating ideas, the best type of jeans for your body...the list goes on and on. But...I have not looked up a single thing about diabetes. Not one. The queen of google hasn't googled. The hospital sent home a TON of information and dvds and pamphlets about it. I was only interested in getting rid of what I could and having one source for when I had a question. Why is this? Well...I'm not interested in this being a permanent or GOOD fixture in our lives. What I HAVE been doing is searching God's word and looking for what He says about it.
As the days have gone by, I wouldn't say that I'm getting used to it. That's not part of the plan. This sucks. The great thing about being a kid is that you can eat what you want and not worry about gaining weight. Heck, you don't even have to worry about cavities because if you do get one, chances are that the tooth is going to fall out anyway and they'll leave it alone. It's one of the greatest times in your life! This has been robbed of Sage for now, and I'm not okay with it. She has trick or treating to do, school parties to eat candy at, stockings to be filled from Santa and Easter baskets to consume.
When I was longing to be pregnant SO much with this baby, each month that it didn't happen, I would mourn and say, "I don't want to do this anymore. I've got to let this go." It was painful to be disappointed. TD Jakes was so right in saying that there is a peace in letting go because you don't want the pain of expectation. And that is so true. But with that baby, each month hope returned, even AGAINST my own will at times. My friend, Ramey, said, "You couldn't give up because there was another one for you. Another child." Her words came back to me this morning. I can't let go of the fact that this isn't it for Sage...because it's NOT. I get "feelings," for those that don't know the word "discernment," from the Holy Spirit. For example, Sage's finger that wouldn't heal...it just wasn't right to me. I wasn't expecting THIS, but I couldn't just ignore it. The welcome letter we received from Sage's upcoming teacher gave me a really good feeling. She instantly reminded me of Sage's kindergarten teacher, who we loved so much. When I'm not at ease with something, it's not just ME. Why would I make myself miserable in wanting to change something that wouldn't change? I wouldn't. There is something deeper, greater in me that says, "THIS IS NOT OVER." This isn't abundant life. We're not enjoying this life right now. It is hard. It is painful. It is a large financial burden. It is stressful. While people are bickering over whether Jesus would eat at Chick Fil A or not (give me a FREAKING break every single one of you BABIES), I'm looking at my 7 year old at all hours of the night to make sure she is breathing. And I just don't believe for a second that this will become our way of life. I can't.
Earlier this week, I read a verse that jumped out at me. That happens to me all the time lately, and it's always the Lord. He gives me SOMETHING all the time. People quote this particular verse all of the time, but I'd never heard it like I did the other day. Your body is a temple. I've always heard this used to tell people to quit smoking, or stop overeating, or to not get a tattoo. But I read the message version, and this is what it said, "You realize, don't you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple, you can be sure of that. God's temple is sacred--and you, remember are the temple." I Corinthians 1:16-17 No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple. Sage is God's temple, and it has been vandalized. It was working, and suddenly, it wasn't. That is WRONG. And unnatural. And no one gets by with it. I'm sure of that.
Before this, at night, we prayed with the kids a simple prayer: Now I lay me down to sleep. I thank you Lord my soul you keep. God bless...." and then name the people. It was a simple way of teaching them to pray. But now? We're really praying. We bind and curse every weapon that the enemy would throw and has thrown at each of them that would try to derail them from their purposes and keep them from the full richness of life that Christ suffered for. We speak the Word over their lives, knowing that God's plans for them are GOOD, full of HOPE, not of EVIL or harm. We believe in a good life HERE, not to be suffering, sick and BROKE until we "get to the other side." That is such a LAME cop out way of life. And Travis, one night, laid his hands on Sage and spoke to her pancreas and told it to do its job, cursing the things and powers that made it do otherwise. We told her body to line up with the Word of God and to work the way He created it to. That night, Travis had a crazy dream. He didn't remember it, but it was not a good dream. It was twisted and weird. He said he woke up and there was something in the room. A real presence. For those of you that are completely unaware that there is a spiritual world causing your "feelings," please wake up. He said that it was one of the most evil presences he'd ever felt, and it scared him because it STARTLED him. He took a breath, and he said that he felt it try to enter him in that breath. When he woke up enough, he said Jesus and rebuked it, and it instantly went away. THIS made me so happy. See, there is a force here, and we have called it out. Them out. And they don't like it. They are defeated, and resistance only exists when you are exerting force on something. The Word is working even when it LOOKS like it's not.
I came home from church on Sunday exhausted. Travis was working a local tv deal. I had both kids. I'm over halfway through a pregnancy by the way. And I was drained. When I opened the front door, I instantly smelled a scent that was...really nice. I wondered if Travis had cleaned or burned a candle. I used to have those wallflowers, plug ins from Bath & Body Works, that scented the house. I had them everywhere, and they were so nice. But one by one, they all stopped working. I even bought new ones because the ones I had were older and I knew they didn't have a lifetime guarantee, but the new ones didn't seem to last a month. I finally gave up, but there was one in the dining room that I still had plugged in. I didn't want to throw the still full refill away in the event that I did break down and buy another, even though they didn't seem to be worth much of anything. I seriously had this last remaining one plugged in the dining room for...oh 2 years at LEAST. That's how long it had NOT worked. It didn't heat up anymore. Therefore, the oil inside the bulb at the bottom did nothing but sit there. For years. And yet, there it sat. Plugged in the wall. I fixed the kids lunch and continued to smell that smell. And I knew where it was coming from, but it was so strange. I went to where I could smell it the strongest. The dining room. I leaned down to that same wallflower plug in that sat there for years. Not working. I breathed in, and that wonderful smell was in full force. I touched the unit. It was warm, hot even. And working. There was NO reason for this. Travis didn't touch it. I certainly didn't. You can't do anything to these things but plug them in. The timing, however, was everything. God instantly told me, "Just like that, so shall she be." You can think I'm the most wishful thinker in the world. I do not care. I don't make this up. God is not a man that He should lie. And the Word He speaks SHALL come to pass. Suddenly, I don't know when, Sage will work again.
Normally, I read on anything and everything that I experience. I'm not kidding. When I experienced my first sting back in the winter by that crazy wasp in my purse, I read about wasp stings. I love to read and learn. When Sage had that staph infection in her finger, I read about staph. I read about strep throat when they get strep. I read about splinters, conceiving, ear infections, pregnancy, saving money, decorating ideas, the best type of jeans for your body...the list goes on and on. But...I have not looked up a single thing about diabetes. Not one. The queen of google hasn't googled. The hospital sent home a TON of information and dvds and pamphlets about it. I was only interested in getting rid of what I could and having one source for when I had a question. Why is this? Well...I'm not interested in this being a permanent or GOOD fixture in our lives. What I HAVE been doing is searching God's word and looking for what He says about it.
As the days have gone by, I wouldn't say that I'm getting used to it. That's not part of the plan. This sucks. The great thing about being a kid is that you can eat what you want and not worry about gaining weight. Heck, you don't even have to worry about cavities because if you do get one, chances are that the tooth is going to fall out anyway and they'll leave it alone. It's one of the greatest times in your life! This has been robbed of Sage for now, and I'm not okay with it. She has trick or treating to do, school parties to eat candy at, stockings to be filled from Santa and Easter baskets to consume.
When I was longing to be pregnant SO much with this baby, each month that it didn't happen, I would mourn and say, "I don't want to do this anymore. I've got to let this go." It was painful to be disappointed. TD Jakes was so right in saying that there is a peace in letting go because you don't want the pain of expectation. And that is so true. But with that baby, each month hope returned, even AGAINST my own will at times. My friend, Ramey, said, "You couldn't give up because there was another one for you. Another child." Her words came back to me this morning. I can't let go of the fact that this isn't it for Sage...because it's NOT. I get "feelings," for those that don't know the word "discernment," from the Holy Spirit. For example, Sage's finger that wouldn't heal...it just wasn't right to me. I wasn't expecting THIS, but I couldn't just ignore it. The welcome letter we received from Sage's upcoming teacher gave me a really good feeling. She instantly reminded me of Sage's kindergarten teacher, who we loved so much. When I'm not at ease with something, it's not just ME. Why would I make myself miserable in wanting to change something that wouldn't change? I wouldn't. There is something deeper, greater in me that says, "THIS IS NOT OVER." This isn't abundant life. We're not enjoying this life right now. It is hard. It is painful. It is a large financial burden. It is stressful. While people are bickering over whether Jesus would eat at Chick Fil A or not (give me a FREAKING break every single one of you BABIES), I'm looking at my 7 year old at all hours of the night to make sure she is breathing. And I just don't believe for a second that this will become our way of life. I can't.
Earlier this week, I read a verse that jumped out at me. That happens to me all the time lately, and it's always the Lord. He gives me SOMETHING all the time. People quote this particular verse all of the time, but I'd never heard it like I did the other day. Your body is a temple. I've always heard this used to tell people to quit smoking, or stop overeating, or to not get a tattoo. But I read the message version, and this is what it said, "You realize, don't you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple, you can be sure of that. God's temple is sacred--and you, remember are the temple." I Corinthians 1:16-17 No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple. Sage is God's temple, and it has been vandalized. It was working, and suddenly, it wasn't. That is WRONG. And unnatural. And no one gets by with it. I'm sure of that.
Before this, at night, we prayed with the kids a simple prayer: Now I lay me down to sleep. I thank you Lord my soul you keep. God bless...." and then name the people. It was a simple way of teaching them to pray. But now? We're really praying. We bind and curse every weapon that the enemy would throw and has thrown at each of them that would try to derail them from their purposes and keep them from the full richness of life that Christ suffered for. We speak the Word over their lives, knowing that God's plans for them are GOOD, full of HOPE, not of EVIL or harm. We believe in a good life HERE, not to be suffering, sick and BROKE until we "get to the other side." That is such a LAME cop out way of life. And Travis, one night, laid his hands on Sage and spoke to her pancreas and told it to do its job, cursing the things and powers that made it do otherwise. We told her body to line up with the Word of God and to work the way He created it to. That night, Travis had a crazy dream. He didn't remember it, but it was not a good dream. It was twisted and weird. He said he woke up and there was something in the room. A real presence. For those of you that are completely unaware that there is a spiritual world causing your "feelings," please wake up. He said that it was one of the most evil presences he'd ever felt, and it scared him because it STARTLED him. He took a breath, and he said that he felt it try to enter him in that breath. When he woke up enough, he said Jesus and rebuked it, and it instantly went away. THIS made me so happy. See, there is a force here, and we have called it out. Them out. And they don't like it. They are defeated, and resistance only exists when you are exerting force on something. The Word is working even when it LOOKS like it's not.
I came home from church on Sunday exhausted. Travis was working a local tv deal. I had both kids. I'm over halfway through a pregnancy by the way. And I was drained. When I opened the front door, I instantly smelled a scent that was...really nice. I wondered if Travis had cleaned or burned a candle. I used to have those wallflowers, plug ins from Bath & Body Works, that scented the house. I had them everywhere, and they were so nice. But one by one, they all stopped working. I even bought new ones because the ones I had were older and I knew they didn't have a lifetime guarantee, but the new ones didn't seem to last a month. I finally gave up, but there was one in the dining room that I still had plugged in. I didn't want to throw the still full refill away in the event that I did break down and buy another, even though they didn't seem to be worth much of anything. I seriously had this last remaining one plugged in the dining room for...oh 2 years at LEAST. That's how long it had NOT worked. It didn't heat up anymore. Therefore, the oil inside the bulb at the bottom did nothing but sit there. For years. And yet, there it sat. Plugged in the wall. I fixed the kids lunch and continued to smell that smell. And I knew where it was coming from, but it was so strange. I went to where I could smell it the strongest. The dining room. I leaned down to that same wallflower plug in that sat there for years. Not working. I breathed in, and that wonderful smell was in full force. I touched the unit. It was warm, hot even. And working. There was NO reason for this. Travis didn't touch it. I certainly didn't. You can't do anything to these things but plug them in. The timing, however, was everything. God instantly told me, "Just like that, so shall she be." You can think I'm the most wishful thinker in the world. I do not care. I don't make this up. God is not a man that He should lie. And the Word He speaks SHALL come to pass. Suddenly, I don't know when, Sage will work again.
1 comment:
I KNOW that it WILL happen, Julie...I just know it!
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